I am not Enough

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     Hello, friends! 

     It has been a while. I plan to post more often. 

     Today I want to share with y'all what God has been showing me lately. You see, I believe a ton of lies. I have always thought that I had to desire Jesus, that I have to have faith, that I have to do all these things to be a "good Christian." I tend to live in the shadow of my feeble attempts rather than the substance of my savior's supreme victory and power.

      The past couple of weeks I have been going through a study on the book of Colossians (you can find the study at www.shereadstruth.com. I would highly recommend any of their studies.) God has shown me much of himself in the past several days. He has shown me how my pitiful attempts at strengthening my relationship with him are, in actuality, only further distancing myself from him. As I try to have faith, I only fall into disbelief. The more I strive to desire him, the more I see him as a far away concept that I could never love. 

     I'm a very independent person. Ask anyone who knows me. I'm pretty sure it can be very annoying at times. I don't like the idea of accepting help. If I set my mind to it, I accomplish it. This can be a good quality in life, but it has served to be detrimental to my spiritual walk. You see, God never meant for us to do all of these things in ourselves, in fact, I would dare to say that it is a sin to try. 

     Somehow I have forgotten that the God who spoke a word and created light, the God who thought up the universe and then breathed it into existence is the same God that wants to draw my heart to his. The same God that wants to give me an abundant supply of faith, the same God who calls to to rest in his enough-ness. 

     Growing up in church I have heard "God is watching when no one else is" a whole lot. Most commonly it is used almost as a fear tactic to keep us in line. But think about it this way. If he is always watching, that means he is always there. He isn't waiting for us to make a mistake so he can rain down fire and brimstone, he is waiting for us to see that we can't do it alone. He lets us reach the end of our own power so that we can see that we really don't have any after all. 

     We are called to live "in and through Christ." We are not called to make ourselves have faith or make ourselves practice the Christian disciplines. We are called to allow God to do those things through us. We can't make ourselves desire Christ, because our very nature hates him. Our nature is sin and it hates God. We must beg him to do a mighty work in and through us so that we can desire him.   

     So, that is the long version of what God is teaching me. To trust him to work in me. I am called to "be still and know that he is God." I am not called to make my own faith. I am his and I am called to rest in that. Am I saying that our Christian lives require no action? Heavens no! It does. We have to ask for these things, we have to spend time in his word and in fellowship with him. We also have to be willing to let the process of sanctification move at God's pace. That is almost the hardest thing for me. I want to be there over night. I want to be a super-Christian.

But his timing is perfect. 

     When I am faithless ~ he remains faithful.

     When I am prideful ~ he is there to correct.

     When I call ~ he is already there. 

     I am sinful ~ he is holy.

     So, keep asking him for faith, for the desire to know him. He will answer. Perhaps not as quickly as you hope, but he will answer. He does not hide himself to tease us. He will reveal himself in his time. 

      This is what God has shown me. What has he shown you? Go tell someone! don't keep his work in you a secret. 

      Delaney